This was very well thought out and appreciated. I guess my point is, Is there hope for a person with BPD that can even realize that something is wrong despite I can see many symptoms?Thank you so much for your guidance. She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. I am having to learn what triggers, when she splits I have currently moved out of my home where she and her boyfriend live, as she had a major melt a month ago. In Borderline Personality Disorder, many of us experience identity disturbance issues. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) struggle to understand how wives, husbands, friends, and other family members experience their intense reactions, mood swings, and risky behavior. I thought life was hopeless and i would always feel the way i do. She's very sweet and often I feel affectionate, close, and relatable to her, but recently she's started holing up away from me and withdrawing. They tried me on several meds and hospitalized me when I started burning myself (unknown why) never did that before.but I remember being so angry and did not know why or when it would end. Intense Emotions: When Present Events Trigger Past Trauma. I am so sorry that you are suffering as a result of your sister's behavior. He doesn't even understand why he is holding back from me. Unfortunately, a few years later, the societal stigma against mental illness reared its ugly head. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. I am aware there is a shift in the middle of this brief description of my experience from talking to people with mental illness, toward talking to those without it. If my sister would actually seek out the help she really does need, instead of expecting everyone to conform to her ideas and expectations, I would be a little more hopefully. I am so sorry that you were treated badly becuase of your diagnosis. You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you dont give up. On the other side of the coin, we may have outburst of anger that can be scary. September 14, 2018, 3:53 PM. This time she almost did it. You might feel like you're being held hostage . So when a parent exhibits BPD symptoms, and the child becomes the target of these behaviors, it impacts who they are and who they will become. I now am 49 and still have anger issues with myself but no selfharming. When I was told what it was, I went home and researched everything I could about it. People with BPD are also more inclined to exhibit impulsive behavior or . However, it's my belief that the letter does little to help the children of borderlines. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement." Marsha M. Lineham This semester one of the classes I am taking is titled "Intimate Relationships," a course in which the objective is to inform students about I want to get help, but I know we have no money. I have a wife and a Daughter who both have BPD wanting to die and both are in Psych Wards. It is intense, exhausting, and rewarding! Seventy-five percent of those diagnosed with BPD are women in their child bearing age (Lamont, 2006). You have come a long way and thank you for helping the rest of us!!! It gives me hope.x. I know people with BPD who were never abused or traumatized, so they can't really say BPD is actually a type of PTSD/trauma-based disorder either. Sometimes we take a preemptive strike by disowning people before they can reject or abandon us. Did the self-medicating thing too. Thank you for expressing so eloquently and non-judgmentally what (I bet) so many with BPD wish they could say to friends and loved ones. I have struggled with relationships. By sharing your experience, you can let others know that they are not alone. It is very well written and to the point. BPD symptoms can include complex and unhealthy thought processes, anxiety, poor self-image, and dramatic mood swings. If you've ever read anything about BPD, you've probably heard of people who are "abusive . It is killing my spirit. My fiance has BPD. I can't believe they still employ me (which reminds me I'm am Thee master of self-sabatoge)Every day I am paranoid, anxious, overwhelmed. Anxiety about relationships, making efforts to avoid being abandoned. Copyright 2021 NAMI. She feels fully justified in treating my mother with all sorts of nasty abusive language and accusations. Linda, thank you for taking the time to share these thoughts, as they will no doubt help others who read this post and scroll down to see your comment. I just love this letter. I have emotionally detached myself quite well this time I think. I have subjected myself to 2 abusive relationships, and have 2 children by both of my abusers. Tell us how mental illness has affected your life. Huge hugs! This letter might help on the explaining part, but the latter? I hope we can be friends in time and partners in raising our son. 1. I was diagnosed with BPD.. Everyone is that way for different reasons so how do you know if you deserve for example to write a letter like this to give people around you so they can "understand" and not feel so bad about the whole situation. And to help others like you do! You have said all the things I've always wanted to say to the people who are or who have been in my life. Here are some ideas: Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. You can now share your poetry (or poetry you love) by using the hashtag #MightyPoets. You carried on with our children, with your job, with our house and you dragged it all with you like Wonder Woman. Somewhere between 1.6% and 5.9% of adults in the US have BPD, a personality disorder that's characterized by difficulty regulating emotion. Our 25 year old daughter tried to kill her self last night also. Dave M everything that you wrote is what I'm going through at the moment. BPD is characterized by rapidly fluctuating moods, an unstable sense of self, impulsiveness, and a lot of fear. At this point, "there is no escape" from my mind. My wife was diagnosed with BPD a number of years ago and it's been more of a battle for her than for me. I myself work in the mental health field and see her mental health declining. It has been the most challenging part of my entire life, I love her unconditionally and with all of my heart yet it never seems to be enough, to be noticed, to be accepted. Be somewhere. Thank you so much for your openess, dedication and help. I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog. Princess Diana: The disorder is also prevalent in royal families, and the most charismatic and famous celebrity suffering from it was Princess Diana. He left me nearly 4 weeks ago.It's over now. I have beeen through 3 years of DBT therapy and figuring out who i am and how i came to have this horrible disorder. I don't know what to do anymore. I have been diagnosed with other things except for this. Thanks for writing this. Brea, it can be really difficult when financials are suffering, but there are many people out there self-teaching the skills until such a time that they can afford to go to groups or individual DBT. If you want to talk to someone who can help you get connected with services and support, please contact Amanda Smith of Hope for BPD at: (941) 704-4328. She blew up, tore into me for a good 30 minutes before breaking up with meshe breaks up every time she gets mad, then acts as though it had never happened a few hours later, or the next day). But I know this is fantasy. ~ Dave M. Also, during those long recovery periods, she will fixate on a distorted, misremembered and misquoted version of something I'd said during the fight, always distorted to be much harsher than what I actually said, and sometimes completely "fabricated" with no basis in anything I said. Thanks for giving others hope by being a partner who is interested in learning more about his girlfriend's condition, and please also be sure to use very good self-care and seek support for YOU, too. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. I need them to but as an outcast to society, I dont see it. Mind Australia Borderline Personality Disorder Family and Carer Group. If you had told me 10 yrs ago I would be happily married and eventually become a mother I would have given you the finger and told you to shut the F up. Your lack of emotional control leads you to damage your relationships, leading people to walk away from it, which exacerbates the abandonment issues that are a part of your disorder. Just a thought. For example, a male with BPD may engage in frequent binge drinking of. I have been diagnosed with BPD, Obsessive Compulsive PD, Histrionic PD, Avoidant PD, Dependant PD and Depressive. I wish you all the best. Hi Debbie, I certainly appreciate your open letter. That is certainly not easy. I am sorry you were scared. And explains how the "non-BPD" can support and understand those who are suffering from the disorder. Yes, I live in my fathers house, but we barely speak, and I harbor so my anger toward him that sometimes I cant talk to him because I dont know what awful words could come out of my mouth. We all receive different care and information from professionals and those around us, information has never been so easily accessible. An Open Letter From Myself, With BPD, To My Loved Ones. I truly appreciate what you said. You can find even more stories on our Home page. There is no one in this area who practices DBT. I buried and oppressed all my feelings and emotions inside because I was afraid of ruining the one thing I had that made me feel slightly better, our family you and the children. I don't know if I should or should not point out that she has an illness and thus a proclivity to feeling the way she does, without it being my fault. This open letter does an amazing job of outlining some of the hallmark symptoms of BPD. All other programs and services are trademarks of their respective owners. Reading also helps me manage my own destructive thoughts and feelings. Offer to visit the doctor with them, spend quality time with them doing something you both enjoy, and tell them you love them. I have strong reasons to beleive my exfiance has BPD. You've been peeking in our windows. It's a horribly helpless feeling to watch someone you love in pain. You don't understand me. Why? I have no nearby friends. You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you dont give up. I'm usually pretty good at keeping my head, and not fighting back, whenever she does this. How I did not walk out at that moment is beyond me. This is my second year . Starting therapy can be daunting, and the person needs to make the decision for themselves, but your letter, and other people's experinces here can inspire hope in others, and help them through difficult times. Not what i wanted but almost lost all since of myself. Debbie, Hi Andrea you are very welcome. BPD & Emotional Distress: Our choices impact our nervous systems, TIRED OF SELF-SABOTAGING?! When I was told what it was, I went home and researched everything I could about it. Furthermore, this grandparent generally claims to be perfectly well and claims that there is something wrong with all the rest of us. After reading this letter i feel that i myself wrote most of it. If I continue living how I am, I doubt I'll see the age my mother saw54. I truly hope you have connected with resources to support you and have had a chance to learn more about DBT! A normal life can be had. Aww *hugs* what an insightful post! How can I stay and support them, but protect myself as well?' I have BPD and I'm currently in grad school to get a Master's in social work. This is an open letter to anyone willing and/or needing to listen. Perhaps some don't even reach that point. And a couple days ago I put my guitar away and said, Im done.. Would you mind if I reposted it on my blog (beautyandtheborderline.wordpress.com)? I want there to be love in the world. it gives me so much understanding and hope for my relationship. Thank you for being who you are. Sometimes I hate him. Simple as a grilled cheese sandwich. Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict. I would be pleased to sent it to you. "People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless. But I'm learning how to deal with it, thanks in part to resources such as this open letter. , Oh Debbie, once again, you have kept it real. I only sought help at the hospital maybe three times in a six-year period (never for self harm and only once for feeling unsafe), but it was enough to make me hope I never have to again because of how ignorant they were towards me. Everything in it's perfect timing. Maybe Debbie wants to add the Ducht version at her list of translations on her website? Remember that your words, love, and support go a long way in helping your loved one to heal, even if the results are not immediately evident. We were married for 12 years and the relationship was defined by me reassuring her that she was good enough, while she would constantly go through massive unpredictable mood swings. Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. I think these blogs are more educational than a generic medical article about BPD. The intimacy that non-personality-disordered people enjoy is stressful . Hi Sarah and John. I am currently single, but hoping that someday she comes back to me and we can have the life together that i so know God chose for us Whatever your doing don't quit, don't run, fight, struggle.. you deserve to be loved. Originally, I had intended for those without it to read and hopefully gain just a grain of understanding. Everyday I sit with teenage girls in crisis, and oftentimes I think they struggling to find the words you expressed so eloquently in your letter. My name was stated here originally, but due to the fact that all of my personal rights to this story are irrelevant the moment I post this, I have decided not to give it. She blames our divorce completely on me, taking no responsibility at all. But I would like to point out that I am not (neither are other people with this disorder) hopeless to date. I wish you peace. She spent years in a mental hospital when she was younger now look at all of the people she's helped and continues to help. There are ups and downs for everyone, mentally healthy or not. Now she has totally disappeared from my life after just two years of marriage. From someone that has been through it it means a lot. If there is a problem with our website, please contact us here, 2023 Sanctuary Support Group | Designed by, Debbie Corso had BPD and has recovered. Had a chance to learn more about DBT dont see it is by. A Loved one with BPD are also more inclined to exhibit impulsive behavior.! 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