Let us know in the comments. I am usually super patient and either keep silent or try to gently discuss it while he changes the subject or agrees with me but doesnt change. And sometimes he will shut down and while being silent send a news article to me about something funny or relating to my likes. Stop idealising themthey cannot changeever. He would often get depressed and blame it on the recent deaths of his family members, but never seemed to show concern for the problems in my life, never asked how I was doing. I cant make sense of whats going on in his head, whats leading him to justify himself and carry on like this. I did ask him if he had Aspergers and thats when all the blocking happened. If we stay together longer, you'll . There are probably posts on here about it; I'm not sure. Its totally private but is unique in that both NeuroTypical and NeuroDiverse can participate. I pointed out that we hadnt talked in three months and he agreed that was the case. Someone told me once that an aspie has lived there whole lives being told what they are doing is wrong or rude etc so that pain for them must be very real gor them and difficult to process whilst living in a constant state of anxiety.even one argument or verbal disagreement can be devastating and lead to shut down to protect you and themselves they will care but not know what to do as they do not follow social norms. What are your thoughts on this? It took a week, but we finally ran into each other. I dont want to be the only one to compromise. I just want it to work out but Im afraid after reading a lot of these posts it will never get better and I dont want to accept it. How am I supposed to give of myself and take huge risks if he cannot even state that he is moving forward with me. Notes: they/them pronouns used for inclusivity/generalization; not all neurotypical-Aspergian relationships will fit this exact trajectory, but this speaks to a trend many might find relatable. . He simply has not been able to verbalize that he has feelings for me. happened upon this site- and I have to say, I , a NT woman in her 50's who has seen, experienced almost all the ASP behavior from my 6 year relationship with my man-there isn't a week I don't think of ending the relationship, but I'm addicted to his charm,brilliance , drive, humor, and intent. You are here: the ranch radio station charlie o in the morning; lovers' lane murders solved; why do aspies suddenly back off in relationshipshow much to pay rabbi for baby naming. They are very good at lying when it comes to not getting into trouble. My daughter was going to a nearby Montessori school, an. I have been on this journey of trying to find understanding, since early 2015. Protective order in place. I know he loves me and he is a good person regardless of me speaking about the negative things there is so much good in our relationship, but I feel stuck, because I cannot be a victim of abuse or deal with the anxiety Im left in. I am currently in a loving relationship with a NT, I'm AS, we recently moved in together, and this couldn't be more true of the first three months of living together. This is one of the biggest reasons. Only when he has some sort of an emotional meltdown his goes silent. Yes my friend it is Normalfor Them..that is. I also think one or both of his parents are on the spectrum but thats a tale for another time. You need to be Mother Theresa to stay in a relationship like this. I felt so much resentment and wanted to blaim him for everything that didint work. We didn't think about asperger's in the beginning, I just noticed that he was different, and I liked that, because I often feel that I am different too. He started something hes never done before, these weird, business-y emails to discuss logistics. So the simple but devastating solution she has chosen is to abandon hope and hide. We are as confusing to them as they are to us. The whole 3 years he was sexting other people whilst pretending to be a girl and when i found out he told me he loved me and wont do it again and that it was his only outlet because no one knows he is bi. Tbh at this point I already suspected he may be ASD or on the spectrum. He has left me traumatised by the ten years of this lonely abuse, I just want to heal my self now and would love to meet someone who is warm loving and genuine. A piece of advice to NTs: dont ever tell an Aspie just be yourself. It does not store any personal data. Everyone was shocked. Now looking back, he may not have gotten the gist of "proactive" an misinterpreted what I was requesting as a committed relationship. Filled with assessments and exercises for both you and your partner, this book will help you forge a deeper, more fulfilling . I have issues with work place/school relationships not progressing to the next level. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. I have spent 10 years with an undiagnosed aspie, it was only when I started googling his behaviour from something on the tele, that I found out about aspies. Love is like a drug, and you dont want to become addicted to the wrong person. I sent him an email yesterday trying to communicate with him that I now understand how he is wired, without mentioning any autism disorder. I loved his hyper focus on me. I saw the red flags throughout the relationship but always found an excuse as to why he would be constantly stressed, angry, disconnected or depressed. No talking. Yes it is hardvery.if he is meant to come backhe will.in the meantime look after You..Your mental healthlove You! Things went well for the beginning until he confided he might be ASD. Very particular eating habits. Pneumonia, cancer and serious but non-life threatening illnesses are his time to take a vacation with friends. He went from loving me to cutting me out of his life behaving like he was single, telling me things had changed and he never loved me. I thought I was living in a nightmare because this was not the person I had dated. All you poor broken people herei shed tears for you all I am assuming u have married. For the first time, you werent experiencing jealousy or fears of infidelity anymore because this was a person who was authentic, genuine, real. It's so sad and hard to give up this wonderful person. Here we are complaining about the one asperger in our lives that drive us crazy. For the aspie: There was that first big fight that happened. He said he really cares about me but cant be more than friends. If youre a member of the group, please register for the call to discuss The Silent Treatment on Thursday, October 6, 2016 at 2:30 PM or Thursday, October 27 at 3:00 PM. I guess Im the only one he wasnt talking to. Surround yourself with your tribe that care and love you. The flirting and laughter was gone. If they were putting on an act for others, were they doing the same with you? Once I said that he shut down. Aspie-neurotypical relationships often start out with intense passion, then fizzle and devolve into disaster. How do I know if this guy loved me? The last 2 years have been push/pull. NTs can use the silent treatment too, for very similar reasons. It's a difficult question and the answers would vary considerably from one person to another and would depend greatly on the circumstances. So, in the simple case, it's just components and relationships -- then the devil's in the details. I wish I could be positive. It lasted this long because we have our own homes. At first I was upset, and now I feel beyond lucky and blessed to have escaped when I did. Aspies are truly amazing people however as a NT I understand that some NT people may not be able to manage such a situation day by dayand everyone should ensure their own health needs come first. How very kind of you. He has a lawyer and wants toseparate, not really understanding what it is. Then notice when there is an opening and offer to listen instead of desperately try to discuss how you feel. We planed so many things for our future. The beginning was so beautiful and happy, like a dream actually. When hes out he falls back into as I call it living in his own world. He does better than me, but still we both are pretty awkward depending on the setting. I know that is an extremely emotional and difficult situation. So my now ex, went into a burnout. I'm giving her space but this hurts. When I tried to open up about deep and painful stuff, they just said, hmm. It really hurt. He stood up and left the room and asked me to leave the house. With a personality difficulty, its entitlement. First of all forgive yourself. Being that we work together, I am extremely hesitant to reach out. I wish everyone well, get out as soon as you can. He has a psychologist who reinforces some of his behaviors. This is the third in a series of articles designed to explore some of the issues and concerns that arise around what is currently called Asperger's syndrome, which will soon be incorporated into . Please correct me if Im wrong. I cant help but see the man I love trapped in there deep inside, and the two of us have such a deep bond. She would then need time to heal which felt like rejection and gave me severe anxiety thinking she would leave me because Im a monster and I deserve to be alone. He was mad that I contacted his friend ( I did it cuz I wanted advice how to handle this. Our intimate moments arent great because its all about how hes used to doing things and its all about routine. You were going to be a hero, and you finally had a way to make all that was good about you useful. I need the break away from it all. This book discusses the science behind Aspie behavior and how you can initiate the rules of engagement that help your Aspie give you the emotional support that you need. I dont know what to do any more, its so confusing and I feel rejected. Being so introverted, I am often initially drawn to very emotional, social people. Get rid of these sick partners. Strong daily routines and an aversion to change. All this while, he hid the fact of his aspergers. I barely have had any answers from him other than I will be better without him and that he doesnt want me to be unhappy and loves me too much to see me hurting like this. By the time it reached the peak of verbal abuse, I was too broken to leave and am still here. 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